It's Safe To Say...I Might Be Addicted

I know it's been a little over a week since my last post...I know that. I made the conscious decision to not post on Thanksgiving simply because we hosted at my house, and I was SUPER busy getting ready for that. Then, Monday rolled around this week and I was already overwhelmed with going back to work and getting back on routine so Monday didn't happen...Which now brings us to today, Tuesday, November 30th, a day late and a dollar short, but still rocking it out because I love this blog and I really believe in what I am giving to the world!

On that note, this post is going to be just a little bit different than what I have given up to this point. I do center my blog posts around the books that I am reading and recommendations, but occasionally, I will sprinkle in just a plain old thoughts and feelings post to keep it interesting...and also to give me an outlet to air out anything that I am carrying that week. Likely, they will still center around books or reading in some way, but might be more introspective than simply a book review.

Today, I am holding onto some thoughts that I have regarding how much I read, and some insecurities that I can't seem to let go of because of it.

Over the extended weekend, I read a total of 6 books from Thursday afternoon to Sunday night. Now, I am a pretty quick reader, and it doesn't take me long to get through a book, particularly if I can sit down for hours at a time and just bang it out or if it is less than 300 pages long. I am not someone who can savor a book over multiple days, because it honestly makes me anxious to not know the ending. (Maybe something I should bring up in therapy?). So really, reading that many books in such a short period of time wasn't all that difficult to manage. Many of them were less than 300 pages, which, for me, are "quick reads."

But I was talking to my husband about it, and he posed a question to me that I really had to ponder over: "In the last 90 days, how many books do you think you have read?"

It took me a while to really think it through. There were some weeks where I would read 2+ books a day, and others where I struggled to get through even 1. I also haven't started keeping track of the books I have finished until recently, so I couldn't give him a totally clear answer. However, in thinking about it more, I came to the realization that I have probably read somewhere between 70-90 books in that time.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Omg Chels, don't you WORK?!" Yes. Yes, I do. I am a Special Ed teacher and I LOVE my job. And I am telling you right now, I STILL find the time to power through a book like nobody's business when I am not on the clock.

But that is not to say that some things haven't taken a backseat over the last few months in favor of powering through a book or even multiple books. I definitely haven't been as social lately as I usually am. I have let some chores slide in favor of reading. I even put off sleep for an extra few hours if it means that I can finish the book or get to a particular chapter I have been anticipating.

This is where my insecurity comes in.

Because I have been allowing some of these things to take a backseat, I can occasionally feel myself becoming frustrated with my choices. I will start to look at myself unfavorably because "What 28 year old spends all of her time reading?" I start to get annoyed with other people because they interrupt my cycle of bingeing books, and then subsequently become annoyed with myself for being annoyed at them! I even become obsessive about the characters and the stories that I read because I can't seem to let go and live in my own reality. It can become a really vicious cycle.

Much like many people get in "Show-Holes" or "Netflix Holes" I can get myself in a book hole extremely easily, which probably explains why I binge so hard when I finish one! I legitimately fall into somewhat if a depression/withdrawal state when I finish a book, and don't immediately dive into the next one. I have always joked around with my family and friends that, I may have an addictive personality, but at least I'm addicted to reading and not something worse, right? Yeah...probably not the best mentality to have.

So, it's definitely safe to say that I am addicted to reading...the problem comes from not knowing exactly how to take a break and get shit done in my actual reality. I want to be able to enjoy this hobby because I love it so much, while also making sure I am getting the things done in my actual reality that need to take the front seat from time to time.

With that being said, my hope is to focus on dedicating at least an hour or two each night to just being in my own world. Whether that be focusing on cleaning the house, making dinner, getting out for a walk, or enjoying the company of my husband and sister, setting aside that time so that it once again becomes a priority. This doesn't mean that I can't also spend an hour or two reading before bed, but making sure I don't spend all of my clocked out non-work time in the pages of a book is important too.

Not only do I think this plan will help me feel more accomplished, but I think it will also help with book burnout. Sometimes I get so entrenched in rapid reading every book I own, that I forget the books I read because I am onto the next one before I even process...

Okay, this was a long winded post to really just air out my feelings on my reading habits, as well as develop somewhat of a plan to help me moving forward. Reading is something I love to do, as well as share, but I acknowledge that I haven't been going about it in the healthiest manner as of late. I will likely speak more on using reading as a coping strategy in a future post, but for now I am going to wrap this up!

I will be back to my regularly scheduled recommendations later in the week, and I can't wait to share with you all of the things I have been reading lately (Cuz they've been GOOOOOOOD!)

Love always,

Chels <3