Just Do the Damn Thing!

Did you know that women will only apply for a job when they feel like they are 100% qualified to do that job, whereas men will apply even if they only hold 60% of the qualifications necessary? At least that's what I read in a Harvard Business Review article from 2014. It was specifically talking about the job market, and is truly an interesting read if you have the time, but I think it can be applied to a variety of different experiences and endeavors.

I mean, truly when was the last time you felt 100% confident that you could do ANYTHING? I know that, as someone who struggles with a lot of self-doubt, likely the highest percentage that I will get to in confidence level is maybe 98%. And that seems like a lot, but that is definitely the exception, not the rule. For me, and likely for a lot of you as well, confidence doesn't come easy. Whether it's in how we feel we look that day, or if we feel strongly enough that we are capable of a task, having the confidence to do anything can be a huge hurtle to jump over. Sometimes, it feels damn near impossible!

So when I see that women feel they need to be 100% qualified to do something, it makes me wonder how we feel confident enough to do ANYTHING! 100% confidence? I'd love to meet the woman who feels that way about themselves! I am for sure envious of her. And I truly think it holds us back. We simply shy away from trying anything new, for fear that we aren't going to be perfect at it right away, so why even try? At least, that's how I feel about trying new things. I want to be perfect at it right from the start, and if I'm not, I will give up pretty quickly, or not even start at all. It's a vicious cycle, and can be pretty discouraging, especially when it's something we are truly passionate about pursuing.

Take this blog for example. I had absolutely zero experience writing, no idea what my vision even was, and simply picked up my laptop and started typing one day. As you can imagine, the little monster in my head starting shouting "What the hell are you doing?! You don't know how to write. Stop it right now!" And because in the back of my mind, I didn't think I was qualified enough anyways, I gave up with less than 10 posts to show for my endeavor. Super inspiring right?

Now, I know you're probably thinking "This is a perfect example of why I don't want to try new things! You didn't stick it out, so why did you even try? And what the hell makes you qualified to advice me to do it too?" And to that I say, you're right, in a sense. You could use this an example of why you shouldn't give something a shot. I mean, to be honest, I still have that doubt monster in the back of my mind. But here's the thing, I came back to it, despite all of the lingering uncertainty. Because at the end of the day, it's really hard, if not impossible, to grow when we stay in our comfort zone. I am in no way saying there's something WRONG with wanting to be comfortable and live in a space where you feel good. Comfort zones are comfortable for a reason, right? But if, like me, you have big dreams for where you want to go and what you want your life to look like, you're going to have to step out of it every once in a while to be able to make those dreams happen.

At this point, you're probably wondering what brought on this topic in the first place, right? Well, this is something I firmly believe in, for a number of reasons. The first being, I think women (I am assuming most of my readers are women, but if you're a man or non-binary person reading this, right on! Love your support, and I am here for you as well), are taught pretty early on that confidence isn't something we should have, or at least not showcase in front of other people. We are told that it makes us look conceited, or arrogant, or just all around "bitchy." Maybe this is not your experience, but I know it's been mine, and many others, so I am generalizing a little bit here. And because we get this message so often, it not only takes away our desire to showcase our confidence and accomplishments, but it starts to make us feel guilt and shame over feeling that way in the first place. Maybe it even makes us feel a little bit anxious, for the fear that we are going to get called out for outwardly feeling good about ourselves. At least, I know I still struggle to feel confident without also feeling ashamed. It's pretty exhausting, and I imagine a lot of us feel that way. So yeah, I feel pretty passionate about breaking that cycle, but it's not the only reason I wanted to talk about this idea.

The second reason I bring this up, is because I have recently started a new endeavor that I am both extremely excited and incredibly nervous about. I have always wanted really big things for my life, but have been unsure of how to get there. Hence, the starting a variety of projects every other month, but I digress. A few days ago, I finally got around to putting words on paper, metaphorically speaking, to write the book I have been daydreaming about for years. And let me tell you, I am scared to freaking death about it! I have never done anything even remotely close to writing a book; I have no writing experience, other than the college essays I had to write; and I don't know the first thing about self-publishing or trying to get the word out there that I am doing this. It's freaking scary!

But that's the beauty in trying something new! It's going to be terrifying for a while. I'm probably going to second guess every damn word I write until I finally finish. I will likely give up 100 times, only to start over and over again. Nobody is an expert or is good at something unfamiliar to them. At least, I don't think so. If you're the magical unicorn that is, please tell me your ways, because I would love to be like you! But for most of us, we are going to suck at it right away. We're going to be really bad and at the bottom of the barrel...until we're not. The only way to get good at something, is to keep going. But in order to get better, you have to start. See where I'm going with this?

So my challenge for all of us is to set aside that self-doubt for now that's telling you not to start something, and just go for it. Do the damn thing, whatever that thing may be. Because, even if it's been done before, it's never been done by YOU! And if you fail at it, fail at it HARD! Fail 100 times if you have to! Because much sooner than you think, you'll be succeeding at it. And I, for one, can't wait to see the amazing things you do! Let's get there together love. I know we can do it! So, we doing the damn thing, or what?

Love always,

Chels <3