Oh Great Heavens!

She's FINALLY back!

Yikes, it's been a hot damn minute since I have posted anything on this blog! Remember when I was going to start "regularly" posting bookish workouts and showing up twice/week with content? Yeah...that IMMEDIATELY went to shit didn't it?

And honestly, I wish I had like...a REALLY good reason for that. I do. I wish I could say that I broke all of my fingers and physically couldn't write or something along those lines...Okay I don't really wish that, but you get my point, right? I don't have a good reason, other than I just...couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to sit down and rub two brain cells together to try and come up with something worthwhile. I could hardly bring myself to get out of bed and trudge through the last few months of school! And to be honest, some days I just...didn't. That's the thing about life, isn't it? Some days/weeks/months you're just FEELING IT, and others you're simply...not. Quite the yo-yo ride we all got volunteered for at birth huh? Yikes...

So, that's where I've been for the last few months! Just, surviving; living; existing; simply just trying to make it through the waking hours until I could get back to sleep. Man...that really does sound bleak doesn't it? Depression is like that though. Makes you feel like the only times you truly are at peace is when you're sleeping. Like you aren't good enough to exist around other people, so why even try? It's really a mean old monster, that depression. And it's pretty damn exhausting! Living life like if you just went to sleep for a few days, you might feel a little bit better afterwards. Have you heard the song Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold? If you haven't, pause your reading, and go listen to it RIGHT NOW! It explains PERFECTLY how I have been feeling, up until pretty much the last few weeks.

And while I am generally a pretty happy and optimistic person (or try to be despite how awful the world seems right now), I think it's important to realize that we all go through these weird seasons of life. God, I know that sounds so freaking cliché right? Another basic bitch telling you that "this too shall pass, as all seasons do" feels so freaking ridiculous, but it's true! At least, it's what I try to tell myself when I am feeling this way. It would be absolute insanity to think that we would NEVER go through any tough spots or that you aren't ever going to feel pain, loss, and heartache. If every day was absolutely amazing, none of them would be, right? That might not make it any easier in the moment, but knowing that we all go through it can help ease some of said heartache. Or at the bare minimum, can make it so it feels a lot less lonely. Shared experiences truly are what can help bring us together as people.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, I know that I haven't been present nearly as much as I would like to be, both in this blog, and in actual reality. But I know that I am not alone in that experience. Life can be damn hard, and sometimes, it just knocks you to the freaking ground just to prove that it can. But the beauty in that, is it makes the times when you truly start to feel like yourself again, feel like a small kind of accomplishment. Being able to say you made it through 100% of your hard days or periods is weirdly very empowering, right? I know that it helps me to look back with a little bit of pride, rather than sadness. Which is far easier said that done, I know, but if you can convince your mind to see these rough patches a little bit differently, you may start to find some peace.

Okay, at this point, I am starting to feel like a little bit of a broken record and a little bit rambly, so I am going to try my damndest to wrap this baby up! The point of this first post "back" was really just to get myself back on the writing train, and explain a little bit about why I haven't been showing up like I know I can.

I am hoping that with a little change in perspective and a desire to make my mark on the world, I can FINALLY start being more consistent with my posting! I am really trying to get past my limiting beliefs and that little voice in my head that's trying to convince me that no one wants to hear what I have to say, and keep writing. Writing is something that brings me joy, and helps me work through my own thoughts, as well as share things that really make my life feel like the stories I love so much!

I hope that you'll stick around and be along for the ride, but if not, that's okay too! This blog is first and foremost for me, with the added bonus that I can maybe touch the lives of others like me! So, here's to a shift in thinking and a burning desire to be the person I have always dreamed of being! Let's tackle life together, shall we?

Love always,

Chels <3